Short people be like

(via misguidedmouse)


if i see one more shitty and condescending comic about how workers are all droid-like hiveminds wasting their life away while intellectuals and artists are the true shining beacons for us all to follow i’m going to smash up an art gallery with a hammer

(via bigbardafree)

(via jazz-e)


lee & little chuck


(via dont-touch-my-cats)


those times when you stretch and end up cracking a joint so loud its just







(via deepfriedturntable)



hey if you teach your parrot to say ‘parrot’ it’s probably as close as you’ll get to owning a pokemon

My brother tells a story about his roommate’s parrot, that everyone who came to the house would say “you’re a bird!” to it so the bird would repeat the phrase back, no big. Until one day my brother was alone in the house with it and heard it say, very quietly, “I’m a bird.” My brother almost dropped a plate.

(via balentay)






this video is so freaking awkward I cant stop laughing


It’s literally saying “no”.

I am snorting and laughing and wheezing fjdsaklfjds IT IS LITERALLY SAYING NO

oh god gizzy makes the same exact noise ahaha

(via cuppacats)

(via roseshell)






Can we just talk about how useful this is but also how happy that dog is to be teaching us something. Look at that tail wag. Thank you puppy. 

Just an addition that this technique mimics how old dogs teach their young and even full grown dogs still respond to it. It’s also very much not about using force on the dog or hurting them in punishment, it’s a reprimand. It’s saying, “stop what you’re doing and calm down.” Using the belt and collar should not be choking the dog. I’m gonna repeat that - this is not to be used to choke your dog!

I had a dog who was extremely aggressive toward strange dogs - he loved people and other family dogs, just hated dogs he hadn’t met yet - and sometimes I couldn’t use his collar without choking him because he was so big and strong. So instead I’d grab the scruff of his neck. I’d pinch it in a mimicry of a dog bite and and grab under his head, just like it shows in the last gif. It calmed him down every time. It would divert his attention back to me, which is what you want.

This is a great thing to spread around for when your own dog attacks but everyone should know there are so many ways to stop dogs before they even get to this point and even when you’re the one being attacked, no matter how they’re trained.

1) Always try to divert their attention - a dog fixating on something is a dog that’s about to hunt.
2) Show no fear - a lot of dogs will growl and bark as a posturing thing, if you can keep from jumping and stand your ground it shows you’re not something they can chew up. Don’t act aggressive back though! Stay calm and
3) talk to them - keep your voice pitched low and steady to help calm them down and remind them you’re a friend.
4) Prepare for the worst - if a dog is getting ready to pounce widen your stance so it won’t knock you to the ground, put out one arm so it has something to latch onto (I know, it sucks, but the arm is better than the gut or the leg) while keeping your other arm free so you can push it off.
5) Use your own size - people are bigger than dogs and dogs know it, push down on their heads (it’s another thing parent dogs do) push their eyes away, stand behind them as shown above, straddle them so you are in the position of power.

I love dogs more than anything else in the world, but I know a lot of people are afraid of them. Sometimes justifiably, given the way they’re used by law enforcement and treated by abusive owners. I firmly believe though that every dog has it in them to be the friendliest cuddlies little fuffy butt around. You’ve just to speak their language.

This is a good instructional. I like most of the commentary, although the “every dog has it in them” phrase is extremely uncomfortable because it doesn’t take into account reactive or traumatized animals and implies that every animal can be fixed if you just do it right. 

Also, a warning: this will not stop two dogs already fighting! Pulling one dog away will put yourself in the way of teeth and the other dog is likely to follow you when you pull the other away. You need to get a friend to help, or dump water on them. A friend of mine says the safest way is to get a partner and grab their back legs and pull them apart. They can’t turn around and snap at you, and they’ll have little to no balance or propulsion that could knock you over again. If anyone else knows a good way to do it, that would be spiffy too.

(via alpacasweater)


(upon failing a roll while in magical water)

DM: You think you might be a duck. Maybe you’ve always been a duck. The water is nice.

Deva player: Were all my past lives ducks too?

DM: Of course. You’re from a very proud lineage.

Deva player: …I go for a little paddle.

(via tentakrule)


Jesus Christ.


(via roseshell)


This hit me just right.

(via ceruleancynic)


my favorite college experience is when i had a 7am class and the kid next to me literally poured a monster energy drink into his coffee said “i’m going to die” and drank the whole thing

(via misguidedmouse)


This is the correct face to make when being told you’re a heinous bitch.

(via gotyourtowel)




tree swallows by Brett NJ on Flickr.


Like a stampede of cuteness.



(via teajasmine)