Anonymous asked: Why not fall in love?
I got shit to do
Fudge recipe on a headstone
I feel like I should make this just to be able to say a dead person taught me how to make it. Maybe I’ll do it for Halloween.
I desperately hope that she spent her entire life telling people that they could have her fudge recipe “over my dead body.”
That last comment is absolutely worth reblogging.
whenever im lost and confused i turn to michael for help
Anonymous asked: What is your ultimate fantasy?
oh my god my dad just went out to walk the dog and he must have got halfway down the street and then he just came back and I was like “what’s the matter” and he just said really quietly “i forgot the dog” and my dog was just siTTING BY THE DOORSTEP WITH HIS LEASH ON LOOKING REALLY SAD
night vale is full of thought provoking humour and beautifully inspirational monologues but “subway? more like wowza” will always be one of the best things it’s ever come up with
it’s right at the top of the list with “what’s an egg” and “i never knew school cleaning appliances were so strong”
"Mountains? More like nothings"
"Nice try, giant worms.”
"And I was like, whatever, rich guy!”
Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:
Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.
Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken. The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.
At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates. While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.
A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.
The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.
The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.
Lost a $10 bill last night and couldn’t find I for the life of me. Until little Ava came out of hiding, that is
Khajiit has quick fingers.
This one believes you have lost something.
literally wtf the fuck
i love how the balloon one is just like ????
what kind of black magic is this family
Please help, I need to prove this kid that everybody has listened to at least one of this bands:
- Blink 182
- Green Day
- Fall Out Boy
- My Chemical Romance
the best part about being in your 20’s is slowly caring less and less about what people think of you and surrounding yourself with good people
the worst is that I’m broke